Wendy the Cougar
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: AU! What if Wendy LIKED them young and cute? How would Dipper's summer pan out? Especially when they have an eldritch abomination breathing down there neck's?
1. Chapter 1

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

It was a calm day in Gravity Falls...

 **ZAP!**

And then it wasn't. Slenderman looked at his watch, **"Let's see...a month before the twins arrive...yes, that should do nicely. Ah! There's our leading lady now!"**

Wendy corduroy was drinking booze with her friends, bored to tears. "GUH! Will Summer vacation never come! Summer's maybe a snore-fest around here but at least they don't have teacher's yelling at us!"

Her friends agreed..then slenderman froze time. **"Time to make a pest of myself,"** Said the eldritch abomination with a smile as he slipped a potion into Wendy's drink.

 **"Time in!"** Wendy finishes her drink.

"I love this fire hydrant!" Shouts Gordy nearby as he takes off his shirt to play in the leaking hydrant mess, Wedny briefly looks at him...and is stunned!

 **...(Barry White - Never Never Gonna Give You Up)...**

Everything about him, every prepubescent bit of skin flexing in the breeze, every droplet of water cascading into every crevice of his young body...made her body burn!

 **...(music ends abruptly)...**

"Okay, I'm done for the day." Says a flustered Wendy as she pours out the remainder of her booze and hurries home. Unseen to all, Slenderman cackles...

 **...A month later...**

Wendy took deep breaths as she settled into her new job. The last month had been...difficult, for the life of her she couldn't grasp what was happening...was this...was this some crazy aspect of puberty only now kicking in or something?

Well it didn't matter, the Mystery Shack was isolated, and her boss Stan didn't seem really interested in dealing with kids so she was sure she could keep cool-

"Wendy! Soos! I want to introduce my niece and nephew! They'll be staying fro the summer!"

Wendy blushed, from his tight little shorts that were begging to be ripped off to his prepubescent, hairless chin...this new 12-year old boy was SEXY.

 _"...I am SOOOO Boned..."_ She groaned to herself...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: the song is** ' **Never Never Gonna Give You Up' by '** ** **Barry White'.****

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Wendy tries to keep her heartbeat steady, she puts all her attention into 'avoiding eye contact monthly'. All the while trying to NOT think of the pre-teen not five feet away from her that made her...think VERY inappropriate thoughts.

Wendy chastised herself, _"This is stupid...I've beaten up Grizzlies, lions, alligators, chased a billy goat through a blizzard naked- man that Christmas was WEIRD -and here I am cowering from a 12 year old? Pathetic! Besides, for better or for worse this kid's going to be spending the summer with me. If I don't deal with this...'issue', then I'm just going to be miserable all summer!"_

It's then that she realizes that Stan is demanding Dipper go out into the woods and put up signs, Wendy sighed. _"Well, dad's advice to 'stare down the barrel of the gun' facing your problems has never stirred me wrong before...except cousin Ruddy...poor bastard, they never did find all of his brain matter..."_

So She then volunteers to help Dipper, reasoning that she knows the woods better than him. Stan just shrugs and doesn't argue with that...

...

Dipper and Wendy walked in awkward silence, Dipper...Dipper had never really spent much time with the opposite gender(His sister being the obvious exception)...especially a much older...much CUTER girl.

And Wendy was trying VERY hard to ignore the burning of her loins and the relentless urge to overpower the pre-teen next to her, rip his shorts off and ravish him...

 _"Why'd I think this was a good idea? I should just- NO! You need to deal with this now!"_

She turns to Dipper, "Sooooo..."

"Soooooo..." Mimicked an equally awkward Dipper.

"...your name is...Dipper right?" She asked finally.

Dipper nodded as he put more signs up, "Yeah...that's..that's right...and your...Wendy?"

Wendy nodded, they then again awkwardly lapse into silence as they put up more signs...

"Sooo...where do you and your sister hail from?" Asked Wendy.

"Oh, uh...we came from Peidmont California." Admitted Dipper.

"Oh...okay, so a real crazy place huh? Real party town is it?"

"Actually, it's been voted the most boring city in America 50 years running."

"Oh."

Another long silence- broken only by banging nails -lingers on...

Dipper coughed, "Soooo...what about Gravity Falls? Anything exciting happen here?"

Wendy snorted, "Yeah, right. The day something exciting happens in this dump is the day a garden gnome bites my butt." She says with a laugh.

 **CLANG!**

Both kids turn toward the tree Dipper had just pounded in surprise, closer examination revealed...A hidden panel?

Wendy's eye's widen, "What in the-

 **CHOMP!**

 **OW!**

Screamed Wendy as something bit her on the rump, "shmebulock!" Shouted the weird, tiny creature as he ran off with into the forest as he munched on a piece of Jean.

"What in the- did you see that Dipper!?" Exclaimed Wendy as she turned around.

Dipper went very red, "Er, yes...very much so!" Exclaimed a now very flustered Dipper as he tried to look away from his new friends now VERY exposed rear view...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	3. Chapter 3

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Dipper gave Wendy his shirt so she could use it to cover her now exposed rear. They then quickly run back to the shack with the journal. Once safely inside Dipper starts to read said journal curiously.

Wendy decides to read it with him so she has something to talk to him about. then she reads the bit about Soothsquitos, she quickly mentions Dippers bugbites which are still visible.

Dipper's eye's widen as he realized she was right, "Wow...this stuff is real! I mean yeah, there was that gnome...but I wasn't really paying much attention to that." He admits embarrassed- Wendy also gets a bit flustered...and self conscious of the fact she still only had a shirt covering her rear -...before getting a thoughtful expression. "Wait...Bewarb?" Takes a quick look at the journal. "Okay, they mess one of the letters up...so it must be...BEWARE! Of course! That must be it!" For a moment a look of triumph goes across his face...which is then almost immediately replaced with one of worry.

"Wait, BEWARE!? What dose that mean?" Shouts dipper in a confused panic.

Wendy was equally confused...yet interested. What had started as simply humoring the boy who she was...conflicted about? Anyway, but now..now it had grown into something...crazy? Was that the word she wanted to use?

Well, regardless, she was interested in what was going on here!

They began to talk in earnest about the contents of the journal, what it could mean, and what they were going to do about it...

They were interrupted when Mable came in to introduce her new hubbie-

 **YOU!**

In a different universe, a more apathetic Wendy would never have seen Norman, or really have even learned about him when her relationship had improved with the twins at a slower rate...

This was not that universe-

"Wha- You know each other?" Asked Mable confused.

"Yes I know him! This jerk tried to kidnap me when I was 12! GET AWAY FROM HER PERVERT!" Screamed Wendy as he punched the teen boy in the face...and knocked off his head?!

"Wait, what?!" Shouted Wendy horrified.

"GAH! WENDY MURDERED SOMEONE!" Screamed Mable horrified.

Stan overhears some of this, and sighs. "I'll get the shovel, hacksaw's and sulfuric acid." He said a resigned sort of way...

Dipper however...was still watching the scene? "Wait a minute- quickly flips through the journal -GNOMES!?"

Sure enough, the 'teens' 'body' had fallen apart into gnomes!

"Hubba, wha!?" Exclaimed Mable baffled.

Wendy, however wasn't really paying attention to that-

 **YOU!**

She exclaims once again, "Schmebulock." Said the one familiar gnome indifferently. "I'm gonna get you you skeevey perv! And your friends too!"

King Jeff held his hands up, "Wait. Let's talk about thi-

But Wendy was already grabbing gnomes and flinging them at Schmebulock like darts!

"Ow, my hat hurts." Says one gnome as his hat is now an inch deep into the wall.

But Schmebulock dodges them all! He dances about with the grace of a ballerina, continuing to enrage Wendy.

He jumps up and slaps Wendy's rear, Wendy screams indignantly as she punches and misses...oblivious that Schemulock took this opportunity to swipe dipper's shirt off her, exposing her rear once more.

Mable quickly covers Dipper's eyes, and tries to get Wendy's attention- But Schembulock just jumped up and planted a kiss on her lips, enraging Wendy once more. Oblivious to the fact that he'd just sliced her shirt and bra right down the middle, exposing her chest just in time for dipper to trip and get an eyeful.

Dipper tires to keep his first 'excitement' from showing as he quickly covers his eyes and tries to help Mable get Wendy's attention.

But Wendy was too busy enraged to hear or notice anything, she was using Jeff as a billy club right now!

 **SMACK!**

 **OW!**

 **SMACK!**

 **WHY!?**

 **SMACK!**

 **COME ON!**

But Schembulock just doges everything and continues to infuriate her-

 **CHOMP!**

 **OW!**

Like biting her on the rear multiple times!

"YOU JERK! I'LL FLATTEN YOU!" She shouts unaware, that those last five bites had destroyed her jeans so utterly that, the remains had fallen on the ground. Completely exposing her lower half.

"Huh...carpets match the drapes..I GET that expression now." Said Mable awkwardly, unfortunately this moment of retrospection causes her to accidentally uncover Dipper's eyes...so that he 'GETS' it too...

Schembulock giggles as he jumps on Wendy head for a second or two, then jump when Wendy grabs, giving schembulock the opportunity to grab her arms, flip her over, and slide the last bit of her shirt off her.

 **SLAM!**

Wendy groans as she watches Schmebulock abandon his fellow gnomes and run out of the Shack to safety, she growled. "I'll get you one day Schembulock!" She snarls...

"Mable, where's dipper? I need to talk strategy about gnome catching!"

"Uh...he's been rear ended. "Said Mable awkwardly.

Then Wendy realizes four things:

1\. She's naked

2\. she'd landed crotch-first on Dippers face

3\. all her shouting and ranting had attracted a crowd of tourists...and Stan.

"50$ PER PHOTO! 50$ PER PHOTO! BUY NOW AND YOU GET A FREE MUG!...after 300$ worth of purchases." He said that last bit quietly.

4\. she was pretty sure the thing poking her stomach was NOT dipper's penknife...

"...Mable, kill me." Said a mortified Wendy.

"...I'll get the cyanide."

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Due to his mild concussion Dipper is laid down on his bed to rest. Meanwhile a mortified Wendy is frantic for clothes and since Manly Dan and his sons are cutting trees at the other side of the Valley, Wendy can't go home to change.

And unfortunately the only thing Stan has in her size is...

"Wait, Why do you have a French Maids outfit?" Asked Mable.

"Hey! I don't pry into your personal life? Do I?" He snapped.

Which only gets Mable MORE curious...

"Do you wear it?"

"We both know that's impossible." Said Stan looking at his belly.

"Is it from an old girlfriend's wardrobe?"

"That's it! No dessert for you for a week!"

"Awwww..."

In any case, Wendy had no other option...

Thankfully, Stan showed Mercy and allowed her to stay upstairs with Dipper and away from prying eyes(it probably helped that Wendy's nudity had already wracked him thousands).

Wendy felt embarrassed being in this outfit...but seeing Dipper sleeping...all sprawled out and adorable...maybe she could have some fun with this...

She lays down next to him.

"Hey, sexy. Want to have some fun." She teases with a giggle.

She brings out an eclair. "Want to watch me eat this big one, big boy?" She laughs at her own cheesy dialogue.

She runs her tongue up and own the unintentionally phallic shaped dessert

"First I'll wet the dough to avoid it ripping and spilling it's cream ALL over me." She says in a mock suggestive voice.

She then nibbles on the 'tip. "Then I'll gently suck on the tip to break the shell, then I'll be able to keep it all contained with my lips."

Suddenly it gushes a bit, but Wendy just laughs and goes with it, "Whoa! Too tight of a grip! No matter, I'll loosen my grip and carefully guide the spill back in...And then I'll stick my tongue into the hole slowly...and suck the cream out halfway." She dose just that, with the loudest slurp imaginable.

Wendy recovers from her laughing fit and continues...

"Now I can suck the rest of the eclair without having to bite it, that way it won't blow up all over me..."

As she slurps...she freezes as she hears a whimper...

Dreading, what she was about to see...she slowly turns around and sees a fully wide-awake and flustered Dipper...who was gaping at her in stunned disbelief.

"Uh..."

"GOTTA GO!" Shouts a mortified Wendy as she runs from the room...

Dipper just lays there in silence...desperately trying to process what he just witnessed... "What the FRACK just happened?" Asked Dipper out loud...

...

Wendy...avoided Dipper for the next few days...

Mable looked at this confused... "What's up with Wendy?"

Dipper awkwardly recaps what occurred in his bedroom...

Mable scratches her head, "I don't get it...so she likes dessert, so what?"

Dipper sighs at his oblivious twin, Uh, Mable? ...Remember That video we found hidden under dad's bed...and Mom kicked dad out of the house after she learned we watched it?"

Mable looked at him confused...then thoughtful...then disgusted...then vomited...

To take their mind's off the unpleasantness, Stan takes them to the beach...

...

As it happens, Wendy is with her family at the beach. Wearing nothing but her red one-piece She awkwardly watches the drama that unfolds that eventually leads to the twins and Soos heading off to Scuttlebut island.

As much as she wants to join them...she's wondering if she should...it wasn't just the embarrassing 'fake seduction' fiasco... what she felt for Dipper...he was YOUNGER then her for crying out loud! No good could ever-

"Wendy!? Why do you keep looking at that boat!?" Snapped her dad.

Wendy broke free of her daydream, and quickly exclaimed. "Uh, the boat! My lov- FRIEND! Dipper is on it!"

One of her brothers snickers, "Have ANOTHER crush already sis?"

she responds by then grabs her dads hunting knife from his leg holster, holds it to said brothers throat-

"Say that again?" She dared...he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

...Unfortunately the damage was already done...

"WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT A CRUSH!?"

Wendy dived into the lake and swam as fast as she could before her dad could build up anymore momentum...

...

Without meaning to, Wendy found herself swimming next to Soo's boat. At first she figured she'd just hang back and observe...and then Mable started to blackmail Dipper by throwing out his cameras-

Angrily, Wendy grabs the camera before it falls into the water and pulls herself onboard. "Dang it Mable! These things are expensive! And this was a pretty solid plan Dipper, came up with! He more then deserves to be Captain! What have you done!?" She snaps.

Mable is stunned, no one had ever yelled at her in defense of Dipper before!

Dipper was stunned as well...although, it was more seeing his crush come out of the water drenched and wearing swimsuit...

Wendy smirks at his adorably flustered face, "So...can I be co-captain?" She teases.

Dipper gulps, trying VERY hard to not look at her soaked and almost popping out breasts.

"Uh...Okay, sure."

Wendy giggled at Dipper's poor attempt to look cool and NOT show how interested in her chest he is...and then the moment is gone and she remembers that once more she's back in close quarters with the boy she had a huge, inappropriate and unexplained sexual attraction to...

Needless to say she quickly excused herself to other side of the boat, feeling bored but not wanting to go to where Dipper was...she started rummaging around the supplies, she saw Dipper's bag and rummaged through that to see if she could learn more about the journal...

Sadly, it seemed it was with Dipper and there was nothing in here except lint and...hello? What's this?

...oh, never mind, it was just a shopping list...

"Huh, wow. I was right, it was expensive to buy all those cameras...and a XXXXXS custom made sports cup?! What!?"

She blushes at the implication of such an item...specifically why her...LITTLE friend would buy one. She tries to shake her head of such thoughts, tries to rationalize that for all she knew Dipper had bought the cup for some supernatural related thing she wasn't privy too...

Still...she was curious...her hormones were more unnaturally charged then usual...and...well...there was a reason she and Tambry became the bane of guys throughout Gravity Falls...there was more then one guy who'd been forced to run home naked...'CFNM' lovers indeed...

...

Dipper didn't know why...bu he was suddenly regretting only wearing swim trunks today...and felt the need to tie his drawstring EXTRA tight...

...Not that it would do him any good...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wendy the Cougar**

 **I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!**

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

With Mable's attempts to throw out more cameras thwarted, they make their way to the island. Dipper focuses on searching for the monster...oblivious that Wendy was focusing on Dipper's trunks...

"Uh, Wendy-

"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S SMALL, I'M NOT A PERVERT!" Screamed Wendy suddenly.

Soos gave her a weird look, "Uh...I just wanted to know if you wanted an ice cream bar..."

Wendy flustered...then chuckled nervously. "Uh...right...sure, I'll have one."

While she eats, Dipper finds the lair...of a beaver playing with a chainsaw?

Dipper groaned, "well, this whole trip was a bust-

 **ROAR!**

THE GOBBLEWONKER BURSTS OUT OF THE WATER AND LEAPS AT DIPPER!

Dipper screamed Wendy as she pushes him out of the way, they both go tumbling into the water as the monster chases after Soos and Mable.

The force of the dive and the current sweep the two a ways away from the island, Wendy groans to herself as she tries to right herself. _"Dang, that knocked the air out of me!"_ She begins to look around under water, _"Where am I? Where's-_

And then she see's it, Dipper, his head above the surface gasping at air...but his trunks...his trunks are below his knees...letting Wendy see everything...

...8 years ago...

"Don't pretend your eyes don't hover, at least for a moment, over the delicately sculpted penises on classical nude statues. While it may not sound like the most erudite subject, art historians haven't completely ignored ancient Greek genitalia either. After all, sculptors put as much work into penises as the rest of their artwork, and it turns out there's a well-developed ideology behind those rather small penises."

Explained Mr. Shimsham as he showed off some ancient statues with teeny weeny's.

"To put it bluntly: In ancient Greece, it seems, a small penis was the sought-after look for the alpha male."

"Evidently Greeks associated small and non-erect penises with moderation, which was one of the key virtues that formed their view of ideal masculinity"

He starts to write numerous orgy revelries on the board...

"There is the contrast between the small, non-erect penises of ideal men (heroes, gods, nude athletes etc) and the over-size, erect penises of Satyrs (mythic half-goat-men, who are drunkards and wildly lustful) and various non-ideal men. Decrepit, elderly men, for instance, often have large penises."

He writes some more pornographic sketches on the board

"Similar ideas are reflected in ancient Greek literature, says Lear. For example, in Aristophanes' Clouds a large penis is listed alongside a "pallid complexion," a "narrow chest," and "great lewdness" as one of the characteristics of un-athletic and dishonorable Athenian youths."

"Only grotesque, foolish men who were ruled by lust and sexual urges had large penises in ancient Greece. In fact, Art history blogger Ellen Oredsson notes on her site that statues of the era emphasized balance and idealism."

"The ideal Greek man was rational, intellectual and authoritative," he Explained. "He may still have had a lot of sex, but this was unrelated to his penis size, and his small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical."

He turns to the class, "Any questions?"

The elementary class containing a young Wendy and Tambry...just looked in terror at the pistol the lunatic who took them all hostage and began to teach them was holding...

...Half the SWAT team died before the kids were rescued...

...

Traumatic memories aside, Wendy- acting with her loins and not her head -Ripped off the trunks and let the pieces fall into the ocean out of reach...

Wendy's eye's went wide, what had she done?!

...

Dipper's eye's went wide in panic, he didn't know how...but his trunks were gone! He was completely naked! One moment, he felt it underwater dangling by his legs, and now it was gone completely!

"Oh, man! I hope Wendy-

And then something red was shoved into her face.

Dipper takes it...It's a red bathing suite!?

"Wha-

Then he sees a flustered Wendy, desperately keeping her body below water.

"I'm sorry Dipper...your trunks were totaled...it's my fault...use my suite." she said in a voice filled with shame and embarrassment.

Dipper was dumbstruck!

"Wow...Wendy...thanks...I promise I'll get you help!"

He quickly wraps the suite around his waist and swims away...

Wendy tries REALLY hard not to think about the 'two tiny sesame seeds and itty bitty pine needle' she'd just seen...

...Meanwhile...

"Forget fishing, this is way cooler!" Shouts Stan as he, Mable, Soos and Old man McGucket bond over using the robot Gobblwonker burn the town and scare everyone!

"BURN BABY BURN!" Screamed Mable...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Blood-shot eye'd and ragged Wendy sighed as she knocked on the umpteenth door. To her irritation, yet ANOTHER old flame of her's opened the door- you never realize how many old flames you have until your forced to talk to all of them at gunpoint by the chief of police...

"Wendy?" Asked the guy confused.

Blubs kept the gun squarely on her back, "This pervert's got something to tell you." He said firmly.

"Your finally doing something about her constantly stealing guys of their clothes and making them streak home in shame?!" He asked excited.

"Nah, that's perfectly legal...unless it's a guy doing it to girls...kind of an unfair law, but what can you do? In any case, read your lines perv!"

Wendy groans, on top of everything she had gotten no sleep last night between all the mug shots and interrogations...and now this:

"In compliance with Gravity Fall and Federal law; I Wendy Blerble Corduroy am telling ever person within a 50 mile radius of my home and other are's of lifestyle that...that...

"Read it! Don't make me pepper spray you again!" Shouted Blubs.

Wendy sighed in defeat, "...I'm required by court order to tell you I'm now a registered sexual predator."

The guys eye's wnet wide, "Wow...suddnly I'm VERY glad you broke up with me...Really dodged a bullet there." He quickly goes back inside.

Wendy sigh's, "Well, he took it better then my last ex...what kind of town let's you sue your ex-girlfriend for infidelity? How dose that even work?" She gripes.

"Less talk, more walk! We 165 more houses to visit!" Snaps Blubs, jabbing her in the back with the gun to keep her moving.

Wendy sighs humiliated, but dose as she's told. You'd think that a mechanical sea monster destroying the town would be enough reason for people to clear the beach's and let Dipper sneak around to find her clothes...but apparently no one told her dad that...

He saw Dipper's modesty covered by his daughter's one-piece and immediately tried to castrate Dipper for 'violating his daughters virtue'. Naturally, Wendy had to run naked out of the water to stop him-

...Annnd run smack into Blubs and Durland. Between seeing her naked and hearing Manly Dan give Graphic and LOUD detail and how the two MUST have had sex...they naturally jumped to the wrong conclusion, arrested her(while completely ignoring Dipper's pleas for help and mercy), made her walk naked through town to the police department, AND then have her registered as a predator!

...so basically, not her best day.

 _"And the most annoying thing is, I can't even say it's not the truth! What I did to Dipper...what I want to do with him...maybe this is for the best...now I can stay far away from him..."_

"Okay, this paperwork checks out." Said Blub's voice behind her.

Wendy turned around in shock to see Dipper handing Blubs some forms!

Blubs turns to her, "Alright miss your free to go. Your friend here explained and proved everything, your off the predator list."

Wendy's eye's widened in disbelief, "Dipper?" She asks amazed.

Dipper sighed, "This is all my fault. If I wasn't such a klutz, I'd never have lost my trunks, and you'd never have had to sacrifice your dignity..."

Wendy looked at him stunned, he thought this was all HIS fault?

"What? No, Dipper I-

"Shame on you boy! getting this sweet girl's reputation destroyed! Just for that, I'm giving you a shock collar!" Dipper somberly accepts it without a fight

"Wait, what?! No, officer I-

"It's okay Wendy, it's the least I deserve for putting you through that hell I-

 **ZAP!**

Dipper yells in pain as the collar activates, "Yep, I'm peeing, I'm peeing!" He cried from the ground writhing in pain.

"Well, I've done my duty for today! Who's up for lunch?" Shouts Blubs as he leaves behind the now smoking boy while a frantic red-headed teenager tries to restart his heart...

...Meanwhile...

"Mable, why did you attack that guy?! I could've gotten you out of here quickly! Even after burning down half the town, This dump is FULL of messed up laws to exploit!" Shouted Stan through the prison bars.

"How was I supposed to know he was the Judge?! He was holding out on my sweets!" Shouted prison jumper clad Mable inside the cell...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Wendy groans as she relaxes on the recliner in the shack...it had been touch and go...but she'd managed to Hot wire the collar and restart Dipper's heart through CPR. She was especially wracked with guilt that she had to fight herself tooth and nail to not draw out the filling his lungs with air part for her own fun under the logic of "If I kiss him now and he dies I can't kiss him later."

This guilt was not helped when Dipper asked how she knew how to hot wire the collar. Wendy tries dodging the question but Dipper had asked "Why won't you tell me?" and had been crying, not out of emotional vulnerability but because of the electricity that coursed through him causing the tear ducts to secrete saline.

It looked like he'd been heart broken to Wendy who can't lie to that- from her perspective -Angelic face. Wendy had cracked and told Dipper that she knows how to hot wire cars and had stolen cars before but never totaled any, mostly joy rides with the pride and joy of nasty teachers, though most weren't ones to be proud of. She mostly scared the teachers before returning the cars.

This got a good laugh from Dipper, much to her relief.

she had then called her dad to get him to help care for Dipper since Stan is no where to be found. Wendy had explained what happened in the Police office and Dan makes Dipper food gets a first aid kit from the truck- he has 5, he's a lumberjack. It's how he's survived that long himself -and gets Dipper Stable before he'd driven off to find Blubs and Durland playing with a Hydrant with their shirts off being idiots. Dan had screamed at them while spitting profusely and told them if they ever put Wendy on the predators list or a Shock Collar on a boy again he's put a shock collar on them both at the same time and crank the dial to 11, all while choking them in public in midair.

"GET EM! GET EM!" Tyler had shouted excitedly...right before some random ninja showed up to pummel him...

Wendy was happy to be off the sexual predator list...but now she was more conflicted then ever...Dipper had taken the wrap for the whole fiasco and had been willing to suffer the consequences for it- true, she doubted he'd known about being shocked. But that was beside the point!

No guy had ever been that caring or selfless to her before...and she could still see it...his impossibly teeny weeny...she wanted...she wanted to tear his clothes off, make him run naked through the streets, humiliate him, dominate him, tower over him...and then kiss-

Wendy went redder the usually as she suddenly came out of her fantasy...and groaned, _"Yep...I DEFINITELY belonged on that sexual predator list..."_

And surprise- surprise, who should come by to ask how she is? Why her boy-toy in waiting Dipper Pines!

Fortunately, before Wendy could get flustered and make a bigger fool of herself-

"KIDS! PACKAGE!" Shouts Stan.

Apparently, due to Mable attacking the judge...and numerous other people, she'd be in jail for awhile...but she was staying busy! to keep her mind off the crushing loneliness she made a wax figure of Stan and mailed it to him!

Stan loved it so much-

"I'M REOPENING STAN'S WAX FIGURES!"

Ordinarily, Wendy would pass on doing such a 'lame' activity. But anything that got her mind off recent events was now like ambrosia to her!

 _"Yep, just me playing with lame giant dolls...nothing inappropriate and weird about that!"_ she assures herself with a smile as she walks to dust off Sherlock Holmes...not noticing Coolio briefly look at her...

...

"Alright! Time for our prison book club! Who else loves 'My Troubled Pony?'" Asked an excited Mable to her fellow prisoners...

 **CRACK!**

...they responded by 'clubbing' her with books...

 **OW!**

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	8. Chapter 8

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

today had been crazy! Stan's wax head got cut off and stolen and Dipper had made it his mission to find the culprit!...and Wendy had been impressed! Dipper was quite clever! Tricking all those people to give him signatures to compare and contrast which hand's were lefties. He was More clever then any other guy she'd known...which admittedly wasn't really saying much, but whatever.

She especially got a laugh at him fooling 'pizza lover guy' to give him his signature by pretending to be a pizza guy! ha! That mustache made him look like a porn star...yeah, a porn star...with pizza...and those lovely, small shorts...

Wendy blushed and quickly shook these thoughts away, she needed to focus! Right now Dipper was confronting Toby Determined with the police!...only for Toby Determined to be innocent?

"If I were you I'd be super embarrassed right now!" Exclaimed Toby as he and the police laugh at a shamefaced Dipper.

Seeing Dipper sad made Wendy snap, "Embarrassed? Him? HA! At least Dipper's not a third rate reporter making out with cardboard who still lives with his mom!"

"She lives with ME!" Snapped a now sobbing Toby.

"And you!" Snaps Wendy at the cops. "Me?" Asks Blubs confused. "Yeah, you! The long, flabby arm of the law! Maybe Dipper didn't solve it, but at least he TRIED! More then you lunkheads did! The last case you got to- shakes his belly for emphasis -was a case of MALAMARS!

Dipper thanks her as they leave the three adults to sob...

...

 _"Am I seriously trying to get entertainment for a dolls funeral?"_ Thinks Wendy to herself as she looks through some of her old party stuff to throw together...honestly she'd rather be trying to just cheer Dipper up, he was clearly still feeling bad for not solving the case...she wished there was some way-

And then she finds her 4-year old culture appreciation day project...she blushed...but smirked...

 _"I'm totally doing this for Dipper..."_ She rationalized to herself...

...

Dipper sighed as his gruncle droned on and on about his beloved 'figure'. It was bad enough he failed...but to fail in front of WENDY...she must think he's such a joke...

And then the lights go out.

Dipper eye's go wide as fire starts to appear and Wendy...Wendy dressed in an outfit, several sizes too small for her, barely had any fabric holding it together and was made by blind natives-

 **Never know how much I love you**  
 **Never know how much I care**  
 **When you put your arms around me**  
 **I get a fever that's so hard to bear**  
 **You give me fever (you give me fever) when you kiss me**  
 **Fever when you hold me tight (you give me fever)**

She swung her torches through the air-

 **Fever in the mornin'**  
 **Fever all through the night**

 **Sun lights up the day time**  
 **Moon lights up the night**  
 **I light up when you call my name**

She juggles the torches-

 **'Cause I know you're gonna treat me right**  
 **You give me fever (You give me fever) when you kiss me**  
 **Fever when you hold me tight (You give me fever)**

she playfully pretends to stab Stan with a torch, casuing him to have to faint...

 **Fever in the mornin'**  
 **Fever all through the night (Wow!)**

 **Everybody's got the fever**  
 **That is somethin' you all know**  
 **Fever isn't such a new thing**  
 **Fever started long time ago**

 **Baby, turn on your love light (Yeah, yeah)**  
 **Let it shine on me (Yeah, yeah)**  
 **Well, baby,…**

She swallows a torch and breaths out fire!

 **You give me fever (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
 **You give me fever (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
 **You give me fever (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
 **You give me fever**

Dipper was thankful that it was dark...and none could see his 'bulge'...

 **Romeo loved Juliet**  
 **Juliet she felt the same**  
 **When he put his arms around her**  
 **He said, "Julie baby you're my flame"**  
 **Thou givest fever when we kisseth**  
 **Fever with thy flaming youth**

She dances toward him...

 **Fever I'm on fire**  
 **Fever yea I burn forsooth**

 **Captain Smith and Pocahontas**  
 **Had a very mad affair**  
 **When her daddy tried to kill him**  
 **She said "Daddy oh don't you dare"**  
 **"He gives me fever with his kisses"**  
 **"Fever when he holds me tight"**  
 **"Fever, I'm his missus"**  
 **"Daddy won't you treat him right?"**

He dances around him...

 **Now you've listened to my story**  
 **Here's the point that I have made**  
 **Chicks were born to give you fever**  
 **Be it Fahrenheit or centigrade**

Dipper is sweating bullets...

 **We give you fever when we kiss you**

She leans closer to his mouth...

 **Fever if you live and learn**

Still leans in closer...

 **Fever till you sizzle**

still closer...

 **What a lovely way to burn**  
 **What a lovely way to burn**

A nervous Dipper leans in his lips closer as well...

 **What a lovely way to burn**

Wendy opens her mouth and let's a chocolate kiss fall in his mouth before jumping away

 **What a lovely way to burn!**

 _"And to think the teacher gave me an 'F'...true, it was because I studied the wrong country. But whatever! I kicked butt!"_

Thinks Wendy as her confused and flustered friend tried to make sense of what just happened...

...it was also then they noticed all the wax figures were melting...and screaming!

 _"OH! Right...I also burnt off the teachers eyebrows..."_

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: the song is 'fever' by Peggy Lee.**

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	9. Chapter 9

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

despite the damage, many of the wax figures were still alive and kicking so Dipper and Wendy had to take them down-

 **RIP!**

Unfortunately, Wendy realized too late the issue of doing strenuous activities in an outfit that was too tight for you when you were EIGHT.

"Okay, fine Wendy I'll give you the dang raise already!" Shouted Stan as he and Dipper beheld a naked Wendy...

Blubs did a spit-take as he walked in...and he and Durland pepper-sprayed and arrested each other for seeing an underage minor naked...

...

Fortunately for Wendy, Mable being let out of jail brought enough excitement to forget the fiasco...well except Dipper...

But then came the tent of Telepathy showed up and Wendy eagerly went along with the group and watched that 'psychic' child Gideon perform. they pretend to buy 4 tickets but really just buy two for Soos and Mabel and tell them they're looking around before getting seats, they're actually ditching the show and when Dipper asks what they do to kill time Wendy suggests reading the Journal, she thinks 'I want to read an educational book? Either this boy is my soulmate or some psychic force nearby is messing with my head!'

And then Gideon started showing up...

At first, Wendy was worried that she'd be attracted to Gideon as well...but surprisingly, the intense lust she once felt for younger boys...had largely died out...only Dipper ignited the fire in her loins now...

Speaking of loins, apparently Gideon's were similarly set alight by Mable and started to court her...much to her chagrin...

At first Dipper wanted to help her, but Wendy stepped in. She had experience with such things. guys could be jerks... 'Except Dipper damn that boy is sweet.'

Wendy goes to tell Gideon it's over, do not go near Mabel unless instructed, do not call her, write letters yadda yadda yadda... But the Dwarf has other plans. Gideon tries his theatrical approach and Wendy flicks his forehead flustering him from using the Amulet on her.

When Gideon tries again she lifts him by the shirt, VERY angry, and tells him to back off Mabel or else. She then grabs a waiter walking by and without looking at him tells him to get her a fresh Chicken Parm to go and puts it on Gideons Tab.

The Amulet accidentally slid from the bolo tie into her sleeve while holding Gideon up and she doesn't notice it till she gets back to the Shack with her Dinner to split with Dipper. Not knowing what it is, She puts it in her pocket before eating and forgets it. The Spaghetti is very long and they almost do the pasta kiss but Dipper, insecure as ever, pulls back at the last second breaking the pasta and apologizing saying "That was close, that would have been inappropriate." Wendy is of course sad inside her head, 'SO CLOSE!'

...

Later that day, Dipper gets a frantic call from Wendy pleading for help...

Meanwhile, Wendy gets a frantic call from Dipper pleading for help...

As they run toward their designated locations...Gideon pets his mystic parrot that just flawlessly mimicked his foes voices...and cackles...

"Come to my parlor said the spider to the fly..."

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	10. Chapter 10

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Gideon smirked as he waited patiently in the abandoned warehouse. His trap was perfect. First he'd use his traps to ensnare Dipper, then when Wendy showed up he'd threaten to toss Dipper off a cliff if she didn't do whatever he wanted. That would show that pest to keep his sweet Mable from him!

He briefly fawned his face, that large fire bee entrapment he had dangling above sure made things hot! But it was just one of the many traps that he had waiting to catch that little fool, why he-

 **CRASH!**

Gideon screamed as a large truck smashed through the front door and rammed into him, crashed through the other side and rolled right off the cliff-

 **BOOM!**

As the wreckage flamed below, Dipper hastily ran into the warehouse- "WENDY!? WENDY ARE YOU OKAY!? I STOLE SOME THERMAL-IMAGING GOGGLES FROM MY GRUNKLE STAN'S TRUNK- pauses briefly to shudder at the memory of all the old man 'junk' -AND SAW SOMETHING OF YOUR SIZE HANGING FROM THE CEILING! SO I SENT THE TRUCK TO AVOID YOU AND-

Dipper went pale...where the Wendy-like heat blob had been moments ago...there was now nothing...it had all been swept away by the truck.

Dipper got down on his hands and knees...and sob... "STUPID! STUPID! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! I'M SORRY WENDY! I'M SORRY!"

"DIPPER! IT'S OKAY! I'M FINE!" Shouted a familiar voice behind him before he got lifted up and hugged by his favorite red-head.

Dipper whimperd, "Wendy?" He asked before sobbing more and hugging her.

Turns out, Wendy didn't actually believe the caller had been Dipper, "Really I heard your voice but I didn't feel the intense happy feeling I get when I hear you. That was a major Red Flag." She comforted while Dipper blushed.

She explained that she DID run back to the shack to make sure he was okay...and then learned that he'd run off himself.

Dipper feels bad he was tricked, but Wendy assures him that it's fine, and she's flattered he rushed to her rescue so quickly. Then she casually mentions that not a single guy in town would ever do that for her. Dipper feels hope from that...

...Meanwhile...

Gideon screams from underneath the flaming wreckage as the fire bees sting him mercilessly...and then go on to set the town on fire...

"WHY DOSE THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?"

WHY DO ONLY THE CHILDREN AND ELDERLY BURN!?

...

...needless to say Wendy felt it best to keep Dipper away from town, media outlets, as well as threaten to punch anyone who even TALKED about the incident in front of an emotionally fragile Dipper the next couple of days...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	11. Chapter 11

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Tambry was confused about her oldest friends behavior lately, suddenly she started acting really weird around pre-teen boys...then she started to act even weirder when she started working at the creepy shack with that sleazy old man...

She's mostly shrugged it off as her not liking kids of those age group thanks to her brothers and the pressure of working for a cantankerous geezer...well, mostly she just rationalized what she could so she didn't have to look up from her phone-

But there was no rationalizing this!

"Wendy, are you not wearing a bra!?" Hissed Tambry to the red-head quietly as they waited for Dipper to let them inside the abandoned convenience store.

Wendy looked at her shocked, "What? No! Of course I- Then to her horror...she realizes that...yes...she had no bra.

Wendy went red, _"Wha- How did...I know I had it in my hands when I was getting dressed! Why did...I mean...sure I was a bit distracted, thinking of Dipper...and how fun it would be if he accidentally felt up my bare...wait...did I...did I SUBCONSCIOUSLY want this?"_

Wendy was taken from her thoughts by Tambry, "Okay, seriously Wendy...what is going on with you lately?"

Before Wendy can respond-

"I got it open!" Shouts Dipper as he opens it from within. "Alright, DR. Funtime!" Shouts the teens.

Wendy takes this opportunity to ditch Tambry and congratulate Dipper.

Tambry frowned at this and for the first time in...wow, she couldn't even remember the last time...she concentrated on...NOT her phone...but- (SHUDDER) -people!

She watched as Wendy gave the kid- and kid he was, if that squirt was really '13' she'd eat her shoe! -an affectionate hat rub and small peck on the che-

Hold the phone...that was no peck...and was..Wendy...blushing?

...wait...come to think of it...didn't she get a lot of rumors involving Wendy on the predator list for...

She quickly scrolls through old texts and...yep, it was the same kid. Picture and everything...huh...he looked kinda familiar, she quickly shakes that thought off and follows everyone inside.

She waits for everyone to be busy doing their own thing, then she goes to confront Wendy alone...peeking upward as the boy was lifted up to get her something from the high shelf!?

Getting over her own fluster she quickly told Dipper to get some ice.

"Wendy...do you...like that kid?"

Wendy went bright red and started to sputter, "What- How'd you- I mean NO! What?! That's crazy! Whatever rumors- I DIDN'T see him naked!" She denied/pleaded mortified.

Tambry just gaped at her, "Oh, my blood! It's true! You want to bang that kid!? Wendy what is wrong with you?!" Before Wendy could retort- "No, seriously. If the fact that me- your far more sexually active friend -is able to judge you with a straight face...that should be a red flag to you right there!" She exclaimed in disbelief.

Wendy quickly made sure no one could see or hear them, "Okay, fine! I...don't know why...but I started feeling attracted to younger guys around the time summer ended...at first I just ignored it...but then Dipper showed up...and he's probably the most amazing guy I've ever meet! He's funny, intelligent, mature, I have such a great time with him-

Tambry groaned, "Oh, Wendy, Wendy. Look, I know that the local guys are...terrible. So terrible that an underage minor will seem like a legit upgrade...but that doesn't make him any less of an underage minor! Wendy, do I really need to go over all the ways that this can end badly? Frack, even criminals consider people who do that sort of thing scum! You can't-

Suddenly Wendy got a frantic text from Dipper about how the place might be haunted and how they should get out of there fast! Having seen her fair sure of weird things and trusting Dipper completely she quickly tells Tambry they'll discuss this later and that she needed to get out of the store now! She runs to get the others-

Tambry, annoyed by the blow-off. Ignores her and follows her. They find Robbie calling Dipper a chicken for not lying down on the chalk-outline and calling him a scardy cat for believing in ghosts.

Wendy- annoyed at seeing Dipper getting mocked- chimes in saying Dipper doesn't have to prove anything to anyone since they all owe him for getting them inside, if anything Robbie should lay in the chalk line with the taunt "How many shut down stores have you gotten us into lately Robbie?"

Robbie, humiliated. gets on the floor to save face before anyone can stop him and-

 **BAM!**

Next thing Tambry knows, she's been sucked into the TV! and given a front row seat to her friends torture!

Wendy tries to fight back, she takes her flannel shirt off and proceeds to pull at her shirt-

But then Dipper confronts them instead...

Tambry...is kinda impressed by this kid staring down the ghosts, being smart enough to figure out their 'biz' as well...and then...

 **Well...Who wants a lamby lamby lamby?**  
 **I do!I do!**  
 **So go up and greet your mammy mammy mammy**  
 **Hi there! Hi there!**  
 **March March March around the daises don't don't you forget about the baby!**

THE. MOST. ADORABLE. THING. EVER.

Tambry, at the same time as Wendy. Squeed. Tambry was SOOO glad that her phone came with her to record all this, in fact-

"OW! What the, did a mosquito just- Wait, how would a mosquito even get in here?" Asked Tambry out loud. She never saw the eldritch abomination clutching a blowgun as it faded back to static...but she DID see Dipper finishing his song with a nice splitz-

 **RIP!**

Which completely destroyed the suite, leaving Dipper briefly naked before a flustered and apologetic MA ghost poofed his clothes back on, no one else saw it...except Tambry...who get's a rather nice flashback of that crazyman who talked of Greek artwork and held her class hostage...

Ma and Pa let them go, Dipper then chews them out from outside the Store i.e. outside their dominion and beyond their influence. Making them realize they overstepped their boundaries in the mortal coil.

Everyone gets into Thompson's moms van, Dipper sits next to Wendy and falls asleep on her lap. And while they're riding back to the Shack and Dipper says he loves Wendy in his sleep she cries thinking 'he's mines...' THEN the Van hits a pot hole sending everyone bouncing in the air. That sudden motion rips Wendy's undershirt apart and sends Dipper flying into her bare chest.

...and a smirking Wendy happily keeps Dipper there...while a now very jealous Tambry watches...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	12. Chapter 12

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Tambry is in the diner when Wendy storms over to her and slams down her phone! "What the blood, is this!?" She shouted showing a naked Dipper in the middle of the splits.

Tambry smirked, "Ah, come on Wendy...you KNOW you enjoyed it."

Wendy glared, "Tambry, you sent this picture to everyone!"

Tambry shrugged, "So?"

Wendy gaped at her, "Tambry you can't do that! You really humiliated Dipper!"

Tambry chuckled, "Oh, like we DIDN'T humiliated all those boys we stole their clothes and forced them to streak home naked? Or like how you DIDN'T humiliate your ex's or Thompson by forwarding naked pics to everyone?" She snarked sarcastically.

Wendy blanched, "That...that was different."

"How?" Retorted Tambry flatly.

Wendy frowned at that...desperately searching for a reason... "Look, he risked his life and dignity for us...the least we could do is NOT humiliate him!" She affirms finally.

Tambry rolls her eyes, "Come on, I kept the Lamby dance secret(those picture were going to remain for her pleasure only!)."

Wendy growled, "That's not the issue! Learning about the pictures at the same time his family ridicules his manliness, while my dad also side-lined him completely humiliated him and caused him to run from the diner in tears!"

Tambry frowned at that...usually she'd laugh at a guy breaking down in tears of shame...but this time...this time felt wrong...

Tambry deletes as much of the photo's she posted out as was possible, then went out with Wendy to search for Dipper to make sure he was alright...

Tambry then thought of something, "Wait, what happened with his family and your father? They did make him cry after all..."

Wendy just smirked...

...in the middle of main street...

"Someone gouge out my eyes!" Screamed a naked, upside-down, tied up and bruised Mable as her eye's were tapped open and forced to look at the two equal battered, tied up, and naked old men...

...

They follow Dipper trail to a part of the forest...Wendy briefly hesitated as her father had warned her to stay away from this part of the woods as it was the territory of the 'man among men!' But concern for Dipper kept her going forward...

"Ugh, what smells like dirty laundry and BO!?" Asks Tambry with disgust as she and Wendy enter a cave...

 **MAN-OFF!**

...just in time for loincloth wearing Dipper to get in a screaming match with a bunch of giant hairy...men?

Wendy just blanched, "I...what?" She asks baffled as Tambry takes a picture.

"I'm totally stealing that loincloth from right off Dipper." Said Tambry as she walks off and vanishes into the crowd...

"WHAT!? TAMBRY COME BACK!" Shouts a flustered Wendy as she runs off to stop her friend from humiliating her other friend...while secretly wishing she succeeds...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	13. Chapter 13

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Dipper puts his hand down a pain hole-

 **GAH!**

He screams! The Manitour holler their approval...no one notices a hook fly from the sky and rip the loincloth off a distracted Dipper. Tambry reels the loincloth in with her fishing pole- Only for an angry Wendy to pounce her.

Meanwhile, a gnome wanders by and suddenly points at a Dipper still preoccupied by the pain to notice his 'situation'. "Hey, why is there a naked girl here?"

"NAKED GIRL!?" Shout all the Manitour and quickly look around excited. Fortunately, they look AWAY from Dipper...who has just realized his predicament. Embaressed, he frantically covers himself and tries to look for a way out without being seen-

Only for his loincloth to be thrown back at his face, too panicked to question it he quickly hides his shame. The manitour, angry over the trick, devour the gnome before he could clarify it was Dipper again.

Wendy breathes a sigh of relief...but then groans as she sees Tambry took the chance to get away...

 ** _When your loins roar and the mountain cries_**

Dipper groans as he drags the manitour 'party wagon' behind him...so focused he doesn't notice Tambry reach up from a hole in the ground and snatch off his loincloth...

 ** _You gotta dream the dream, you gotta snatch that prize_**

A few seconds and sound of a scuffle later, Wendy slaps his loincloth back on from another hole further on.

 ** _You gotta go the miles, you gotta face the trials_**

A startled and flustered Dipper quickly reattaches it...

 ** _Never lose sight of the loincloth you see_**

Dipper is blown away by the fire hydrant-

 ** _You gotta believe that stealing his briefs are real_**

YOINK!

 ** _Now strip him while he's drinking from a fire hydrant_**

-Which gives Tambry the opportunity to rip it off him as he whizzes by.

An embaressed Dipper covers himself, never seeing a now very annoyed Wendy toss it back at him, smacking him in the head-

 _ **Teach your boy how NOT to wear anything!**  
_

Tambry gives a treat to a crocodile that just ate Dipper's loincloth...

 _ ** _Now try to strip him while he jumps a crazy gorge!_**_

Tambry uses a grabber to rip off his loincloth as he jumps over the gorge... _ _  
__

 ** _Keep on striping that cute boy!_**

Tambry sneaks over to apply the wax to his loincloth...before Wendy jumps on her and they tussle out of the room. Dipper looks back, sees nothing and shrugs it off...

 _ **Uh... I don't really know what's happenin' in this part!**_

Wendy pulls out a photo from her pocket to show to Tambry to get her to stop taking embarrassing pictures of Dipper. Tambry is horrified at the picture, which the subject is never fully brought to light, and is furious at Wendy for using it.

Wendy says she's equally furious at her for trying to steal his loincloth and humiliating him. Tambry quips That Wendy has it bad for him but Wendy says that he's a good person and more of a man the other guys in town. "Again that doesn't really elevate him to the status your holding him to."

Wendy gets into Tambry's face growling angrily and Tambry is forced to apologize and swears to stop stealing his loincloth. "Now give me that picture!" Wendy refuses saying that so long as the picture is out of her hands Tambry won't embarrass Dipper willfully.

 _ ** _Oww! Your loin's are on fire and the fire is in your loins!_**_

They decide to watch Dipper from afar, also Wendy keeps a close eye on Tambry. Thankful she was in time each time to keep Dipper from being humiliated, that dang loincloth probably spent more time in her hand today then Dipper body...she had to suppress a giggle remembering how she felt the padding Dipper clearly put in to conceal his 'shortcoming'...dang she REALLY wanted to see that again.

Then to her horror, she realized that Tambry took that opportunity to slink away!

They watch as Dipper baths in the hotspring and jokes and brags with his fellow 'men' who tell him he has one more trial to face. Dipper eagerly climbs out of the man soup...and his now very ragged loincloth is still on?

"Wha?" Asked Wendy confused.

"What? I just went to the restroom." Said Tambry as she came back.

Wendy smiles, thanks her then secretly follows Dipper...

Tambry smirks, "I only said I wouldn't steal the loincloth." She says to herself as she brings up Dipper ordinary clothes and throws them into a pyre...

They sneak into the main hall just in time to see Leaderar eat an old man! While Wendy and Tambry gap in horror, Leaderar tells dipper of his final test: Slay the Multi-bear- DID HE JUST RIP A SWORD FROM HIS FRACKING BODY!?

He gives the sword to Dipper...who's rather unsure about this-

Leaderar sees this and whispers evilly, "Do it...or you'll never be a man...worse, I'll expose your LITTLE secret to everyone here..."

Dipper gulped, uh, I don't know what you-

"These morons may not have been quick enough to see...but I certainly did...in fact-

Before Dipper, could do anything...his loincloth was ripped clean off.

Between him being on top of the stump and the angling, none of the other manitour had seen what happened.

Leaderar chuckled as Dipper frantically cover himself, "Bring back the beasts head...and I'll return your modesty and make you a man...now git!" He whispers evilly as Dipper- using the spear to hide his shame, ran naked while the oblivious Manitour roared their approval...

The two girls- who actually were in a position to see...quickly followed...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	14. Chapter 14

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Wendy and Tambry secretly ran after a naked Dipper swinging through the trees- dang, Wendy was living out SO many fantasies right now! she was tempted to knock down a tree he's in, trap him, disable BOTH of his 'spears', pin him to the ground and-

Wendy was forced out of her fantasy annoyed when she once more had to slow down to allow an out of breath Tambry to catch up...

 _"Dang it, this is taking too long! We'll lose Dipper at this rate! Tambry isn't built for physical things! She's more sneaky and manipulative-_

She then smirks evilly and turns to Tambry, "Hey Tambry...remember those jerks that nearly ran us over after ditching us and leaving us with the bill for lunch?"

Tambry immediately got it, grinned wickedly and ran off in the opposite direction to get 'ready'.

with all the time lost, it took Wendy an hour to track down Dipper again...just in time to see a naked Dipper defeat the multi-bear...and sing Disco girl with it?

 _"Huh...he's a good singer on top of everything else..."_ She thinks as she watches him spare the beasts life...

Dipper sighs, "I guess I'll never be a man-

And then whimpers as something slaps his rear and gives it a squeeze!

"How many guys can say they get their buts squeezed by a girl- none of those dope bulls, I can say for certain!" Exclaims Wendy happily.

Dipper promptly fainted from embarrassment...

Wendy sighs as she carries him back down the mountain...admiring his...'goods' the whole time...

When they are near the Manitour lodge...they find all of them running away in shame...their hair had all fallen out, the loincloths were gone...and their danglers have been severely shrunk down...

Wendy giggles, she didn't know where Tambry got the chemicals that killed off guy hair and shrunk their genitals...but you couldn't deny the results.

An embarrassed Dipper wakes up and frantically searches for his clothes...but their gone. panicked, he tires to uses his hat to conceal himself...

Tambry tries to say the manitour's must've burnt them...but Wendy just responds by ripping off her pants and giving them to Dipper...

Tambry grumbles that she's 'buttering him up like a croissant...and wonders when she'll just 'eat' him already'.

Wendy responds by smacking her in the head as she makes her walk home bottomless...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	15. Chapter 15

**Wendy the Cougar**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

Dipper took a deep breath he was in his room alone with his thoughts...Wendy had seen his tiny doodle...and yet she told him he was a man...

...

 _"Dude, you stood up to 'men' that even my dad ran from in terror...if that isn't a man...then frack men! I have you!"_

 _Dipper blushed, "But...my...I'm...'small'..." He said embarrassed._

 _Wendy shrugged...yet also blushed, "Eh, honestly? The bigger they are...the more disgusting and unnatural they look...like a xenomorph...except more lame and filthy. seriously, what is it supposed to be? A turtles a tumor the shape of a turtles head? GROSS!" She gets an even bigger blush... "I think...I might actually like 'em' tiny and cute?..."_

...

Wendy had run embarrassed from Dipper before he could make her elaborate on that last bit further...she'd been avoiding him for days now...now it was Grunkle Stan's party...he'd considered using an 'emergency list' he'd made years ago in case he'd ever needed to 'woo' a girl...but that just didn't seem right given the situation...

...and then...mere hours from the party...he'd gotten a note wrapped up in his 'to do list' from Grunkle Stan slide under the door.

 **Hey dork!**

 **I dare you to do all these chores in your birthday suite without getting caught!**

 **Succeed and I might give you a kiss!**

 **Sincerely, Wendy.**

 **Chores:**

 **1\. Man the ticket booth for an hour**

 **2\. get punch deliverd**

 **3\. Make sure the pinatas are stuffed**

And that was why Dipper was currently naked as a jaybird...staring at the door intently...his destiny awaited him...

...

Meanwhile, Mable giggled from outside the door as she held up a camera. Soon Dipper would come running out that door wearing the 'lamby suite' their mom used to make him wear every year on his birthday- hence his 'birthday suite'.

True Dipper would probably be mad at her prank, especially since her forged letter meant their would be no kiss from Wendy, but she was sure he'd get over-

 **BOOM!**

 **FLASH!**

A naked Dipper ran out of the room, quickly- yet stealthily -heading to the party...

Mable said nothing...she just chucked the camera away...the chucked herself out the window...hoping the pavement will knock the memory of what she'd just seen out of her head...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	16. Chapter 16

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Fortunately, the letter never said he had to do the chores one at a time. He quickly used the recently discovered cloning machine to make two naked copies of himself...

He quickly goes outside, climbing through the window while the clones sneak through the air shafts to avoid the partygoers...or they're about to when they see Robbie trying to make a move on Wendy...so they make two more clones(well, three if you count Paper Jam Dipper) to go steal his bike...

Dipper quickly hide behind the ticket table outside, shivering as the summer night chill brushed over his bare body. "Okay, I'll just hand out the tickets crouched down from here...and if anyone asks...Stan was too cheap to pay for table legs and he was keeping the table for collapsing, yep that's plausible!"

"Yes, it is." Says a familiar voice in his ear. Dipper cried out in panic, Wendy was right behind him!

Before he can say anything, a smirking Wendy pulls up a chair and sits by him. "Alright, let's sell some tickets!" She exclaims happily as if nothing out of the ordianry was happening.

Dipper looks at her confused...dose she not...realize he was naked? Before he can question her, a customer shows up!

"One ticket please."

Dipper blushes but complies, "Right, here you- GAH! -go!" He whimpers suddenly as he suddenly feels his dangly bits being poked by something icy cold.

The customer looks at him weird, but goes into the party-

Before Dipper can check on himself to see what happened, another partygoer had shown up for a ticket.

"Right, one ticket for- GAH! -you!" He whimpers again as his dangler are once more poked by something sharp and intensely cold.

To his horror, Dipper realizes, he has no opportunity to check himself! To many people were coming up to the table! If he checked himself now, everyone would see his nudity...so he had no choice but to focus on the customers and ignore the constant prodding of his testicles.

Wendy smirked as she continued to stealthily poke Dipper's balls whenever he was distracted, she didn't know why he was naked...but she wasn't going to let this opportunity pass her by!

...

Meanwhile, clone 3 quickly delivered the punch, making sure the box covered his privates as he streaked past the partygoers who were thankfully too busy partying under the strobe lights to notice him in the far back of the room...or so he thought-

"Hello", whispered Tambry into 3's ear right before he pecked a kiss on his cheek...which caused it to melt. They both screamed and the clone accidentally spilled the punch over himself, melting away in an instant.

Tambry gaped in horror...then slowly backed away...and quickly made a call to 'murder-alibi-R-Us'...

...

Meanwhile, Robbie had been arrested for beating up two naked kids...the kids last seen being dropped into the river by Robbie...were never found again...

...

Wendy smirks as she sees who's approaching, she turns to Dipper and whisper, "Hey Dipper...if you jump and expose yourself while screaming now...I'll give you a reward." She says quickly.

Dipper blushes, but obliges-

 **ROAR!**

Screamed Dipper as he jumps up onto the table and thrusts his pelvis outward...

Pacifica Northwest just blinks, then smirks, "What...is that supposed to impress me pervert? You look like a girl!" She laughs, "This'll be the most entertaining sexual harassment case ever!" She laughs as she calls her lawyer and heads inside.

Dipper whimpers in shame. Wendy looked horrified, she'd been so focused on getting one over that blonde snob...she hadn't considered his feelings at all! Well, there was only one way to fix a cock-up like this...

She kiss him...and takes off her clothes...

Dipper gapes, "Want to sneak around town naked?" She asks mischievously. Dipper gives a goofy grin and nods...

...

Meanwhile, Tyrone was...'Making sure the pinatas are stuffed'...which was in reality code for...'cover up the sinkhole near the party area before someone finds it and sues me'.

Tyrone sighed as he looked over the large gaping hole in the floor...that didn't seem to have a bottom... "How am I supposed to fix this?" He asked outloud. He knew he needed to work fast...only a matter of time before the party moved over to this annex and someone saw him!

 _"well, speak of the devil. There he is."_ Thinks Pacifica with a smirk, subpoena in hand. She just needed to give it to the weird, naked boy, and he'd be served.

She walks over to him, it's too dark to see the rest of the room, but she can see him in his naked 'glory'.

Dipper's eye's widen as he sees her approach, "Wait, don't-

But this just makes her walk faster, "Dipper Pine's you've been serv-

 **CRASH!**

Pacifica screams as the rotted floorboards Tyrone had tried to warn her about gave way under her wait and she and Tyrone fell to their apparent deaths-

 **SPLASH!**

...but instead fall in amber?

Neither could process this...as it had hardened...now they were stuck...forever staring at one another...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	17. Chapter 17

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

 **BOO!**

 **WAH!**

 **BOO!**

 **MERCY!**

 **BOO!**

 **GRACIOUS!**

Wendy laughed, She and Dipper had been exposing themselves to random people throughout the night, Wendy had initially don this to make Dipper feel better about himself...but she was actually getting more and more into it.

They'd freaked Robbie out at jail, exposing themselves in front of his cell window, causing the guards to think him insane and whack him up some more...

Wendy dared Dipper to run naked through a coffee shop...he got lots of burns from that...

Dipper dared her to run naked through a library...at first Wendy thought this a weak dare...until she got nabbed by the librarian and spanked mercilessly with her ruler...

She dared Dipper to run naked through a briar patch...ow...he'd be picking thorns from his testicles for weeks...

Dipper got even by dared her to run naked through the golf court...where she got pummeled by thousand of balls...

Wendy dared him to run naked through the girls side of the hot spring...where he wasn't hurt at all? But Wendy got the last laugh when it turned out that Dipper's wiener was so small and his body so feminine that the patrons thought he was a girl!

Despite all this...Dipper ...while clearly still embarrassed...was clearly feeling a bit better about himself and even having a fun time...especially with the other company that had tagged along...

...earlier...

 **BOO!**

 _Shouted Dipper...only to be stunned by a sobbing Tambry who hugged him, "Dipper! Your alive! I've never been more happy to see your sexy needle-dick!" She sobbed as she hugged a now very flustered and conflicted Dipper..._

...

Tambry had stripped and joined them...but it was the latest edition that was a surprise...

...

 **BOO!**

Dipper had only a flustered second to see the stunned looking cute Asian girl who was his age... before she pulled out a blow dart- and things went black...

When Dipper awoke...he was chained naked to a slab. Candy giggled as she stepped forward, "I've never seen a naked boy before...I must experiment! For science!" She pulls out a scalpel and points it toward his balls and dick...while Dipper started to sweat bullets...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	18. Chapter 18

Tales of the Falls

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Thankfully, she only used the scalpel to poke and prod his genitals, no cutting, but it was icy cold and made him wince...it also made his dick shrivel much to Candy's amusement.

She giggles, "My, my...only one centimeter big...and can immediately shrivel up to a third of that...no hair follicles of any kind in groin area...balls are individually only 5 millimeters big...at best...hmmm...very unlikely he can produce anything but a minuscule amount of semen...but better check..."

Much to Dipper's increasing horror...she puts some eastern salve on his junk that makes his dick hard...and she measures it!

Candy snickered, "Only a a centimeter and a half at maximum? My, my..." She teases much to his shame...

Then she puts on another salve that...you know what? It causes his body to immediately give her a 'sample', let's just leave it at that...

"Okay, this just got disgusting." Before Candy knew what was happening, she was being lifted off the ground and her clothes ripped off by two older, sexier girls.

Wendy and Tambry knew it had been wrong...but they'd deliberately watched from afar as this happened...seeing Dipper naked, helpless and emasculated on a slab had been just too much fun to pass up...but now Candy had gone too far, and needed to be punished!

Next thing candy knew, Dipper was free and it was her turn on the slab. Tambry snorts as she beholds her body, "yeah you were on to talk! Your breasts are...well, not as small as Dipper's dong(which still really wasn't saying much), but in that ball park!" Candy feels her face heat up embarrassed.

Wendy hands a toll to a now uncomfortable Dipper, "Here you go Dipper, take your time to take your revenge."

Dipper hesitated...then to everyone's surprise he deactivated the clamps and set Candy free! "Dipper, what are you doing?" Asked Wendy.

"I didn't like it, so there's no way I'll submit others to it! Are you okay Candy?" He was answered by Candy hugging him and tearfully apologizing for what she did...much to Dipper's embarrassment.

Wendy bristled, annoyed of another cute girl hugging Dipper. But Tambry, having a cooler head stepped up: "Well, Dipper! Aren't you a smooth operator. Yo, Candy! You want to join our streak?

Dipper sputtered at that first bit...and was even more shocked when Candy agreed, she gives his loin a playful flick as they all walk out...leaving a stunned Dipper behind...

 _"Okay...this night is getting more and more nuts...maybe I should just sneak home-_

"Nice try!" Shouts all the girls as they pounce on a 'sneaky' Dipper and drag him off...and throw him in the lake for a naked swim...enjoying himself once more he helps Candy with the next scare-

 **BOO!**

The old woman screamed so loud her head flew off, taking her guts and entrails with her as she sailed away into the night...

The four naked kids stood stunned...then vomited, "So I think that was a Penanggalan, Malyalsian vampire." Said Dipper between vomits.

"Yeah, well I call it a sign to call it a night." Said a queasy Tambry.

"Agreed." Said everyone else...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I'd like to apologize for the last lackluster chapter, I wasn't happy with it and I was half asleep when I wrote it. so I won't count it in our deal 'Rasenagenfin',**

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	19. Chapter 19

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...III...

...

Wendy groaned as she went to town...

Wendy was NOT looking forward to seeing Dipper again, what had she been thinking? True, she'd felt bad for Dipper's predicament- but streaking with an underage boy!? It was a miracle she hadn't been arrested again! Seriously, why had she done that? She'd had a weird feeling of lack of inhibition during that night...like when she'd been drunk...but she hadn't had any alcohol! She'd been avoiding that around Dipper just to avoid this exact sort of thing!

...earlier...

Robbie chuckled as he poured booze into the punch bowl, "I'll be a party hero!" He says to himself as he walks away...only to then find out his bike had been stolen...no one noticed Wendy taking the first drink...and getting buzzed very quickly due to her low tolerance from lack of drinking as much...or her stumbling to join Dipper at the ticket booth when a certain blonde showed up...

...

Fortunately it was Pioneer day...which ordinarily she would avoid due to the whole 'Northwest' situation, but since she knew Stan hated it with a passion she knew that here was the least likely place to see Dipper...also, it was her turn to get groceries for the house...

THEY'RE CIRCLING THE WAGONS!

Wendy groaned from the sound of a familiar crotchety voice, "No! It couldn't be!" But it was...the Pine family was here! Wendy about-faced and immediately headed back home! Dad could get his own dang bacon!

"Wait, Wendy! Hold up!" Wendy moaned, "Hello, Dipper."

"Yeah...I'm kinda wondering what exactly happened last night?" Asked Dipper flustered and confused.

Wendy tried to play it cool, "Uh...what do you mean? We danced the night away, shared a keg of beer...and everything get's hazy after that." Lied Wendy smoothly.

Dipper gives her a 'look', "Uh...huh...so mind explaining to me HOW Tambry got these pictures and sent them to me then?" Asked a skeptically annoyed Dipper as he pulls out his phone that shows numerous pictures of their 'hi-jinx' last night!

Wendy groaned, "Dang it Tambry!"

"Wendy...seriously...what's going on here? I'm getting...Very weird...very mixed signals here...and I freely admit...I suck with girls even on the best of situations- which this ISN'T."

Wendy just rubbed her head frustrated...but comes to a decision... "Okay, let's talk...but not here-

She takes him to an isolated place and explains to him, "Look Dipper...ever since you came here...I've been very...attracted to you..."

Dipper gaped, "I, wha-

"But it's wrong! What were doing is wrong! I never should've encouraged this! Your way too young and I need to accept it, no matter how sexy and cuddly your noodle-arms... your scrawny body...your hairless scrotum... your needle dick..and your even smaller balls..." wendy begins to fluster and drool... She quickly shook her head, "NO! THIS IS WRONG! SO VERY WRONG!

Dipper was also flustered...he knew he should be mortified...but apparently his 'shortcoming's' turned her on? So...that was...good? ...he had no idea how to react to this!

Snapping them out of their thoughts was the sudden booming voice of Preston Northwest.

"Hello everyone, unfortunately my darling daughter was called away for an emergency...charity...for blind...orphans! Yes, that'll do."

"We, totally buy that!" Shouted Blubs happily. "Yes, of course you do." Said Preston dryly. "In any case, it's now me who has the honor of being the master of ceremony on this glorious anniversary of when MY family founded our wonderful town!"

Wendy rolled her eye's, "Yeah...'founded' on the sacrifice of others and betrayal." Said Wendy annoyed as Preston went on and on about how 'great' his family was and how the town 'owed' them everything.

Dipper eye'd her confused, "You had this same reaction to his daughter...what is with you and their family?"

Wendy sighed and told him the whole sad tale...how her family and several other lumberjack clans were promised a grand party by Nathaniel Northwest if they gave him the mansion he desired. It took many winters and many lives...but they lumberjacks upheld their end of the bargain...only to have the door slammed in their face. Worse, with so many trees uprooted for the mansion, the ensuing mudslides killed most who survived...and every year since then...the Northwests CELEBRATED their exclusion of the poor on the anniversary of the deaths of so many...

Wendy was in tears at the end of it...

Dipper was stunned...he turned back and glared at the man who boasted his family's 'accomplishments'..and came to a decision.

"The journal mentioned something about the Northwests...let's give it a look. Wendy looked at him confused, "Dipper why are you-

"Wendy, I know things are weird between us now, but weird or not your still my friend...and I will help you."

Stunned by this, Wendy didn't know what else to do...but follow this boy who had become so important to her...

And then she realized... "Wait, where's Mable?"

...Meanwhile...

 **RETCH!**

Mable spewed into the trashcan as more and more flying Quadcopter's flew by her and projected images of her naked brother... "WHO!? WHO WOULD TORTURE ME LIKE THIS!?" Screamed Mable between vomiting.

In the shadows, Mable's new 'friend' took notes. "Hour 5, subject still reacts negatively to images of her brother in the nude...I will now proceed to level two antagonism!" She presses buttons and Mable was assaulted by the sight of numerous holographic images of a naked brother doing a go-go dance!

"GAH! MAKE IT STOP!" Screamed Mable as she tried to claw out her eye's...

...

Later, at the library. Dipepr and Wendy studied the journal. "Okay, this map has the alchemist element of fire on it...so we'll set it on fire."

"Wait, but isn't it like our only clue?" Asked Wendy concerned. "Don't worry, the author had a spell that restores burnt pages if you prepare them in advance right." He dips it in the solution he just wiped up...after making sure the incantation was pronounced right...he proceeds to burn it-

 **GREETINGS FELLOW TRUTH SEEKER! THE SISTERHOOD OF THE WOODPECKERS GREET YOU!**

Shouts the flaming image of a giant woodpecker that just burst from the pages...

Wendy and Dipper gaped...

 **BY DECIPHERING THE CLUE IN A WAY THAT DID NOT DESTROY KNOWLEDGE- more importantly you didn't do something ridiculous like make it into a paper hat -You will be given the REAL path, not the false path that Trembly set up to lure away the unworthy!**

"Trembly?" Asked Wendy confused.

 **A GOOD- if odd -MAN, HE TOOK THE BURDEN OF PRETENDING TO BE THE 'TRUE' FONDER OF GRAVITY FALLS, SO THE REAL FONDER COULD ESCAPE PERSECUIT- But I cannot say more here! Too many ears! We must talk elsewhere!"**

Dipper and Wendy quickly do just that...while a hiding Blubs and Durland just look stunned, they then flick on their secret radio, "Yeeaahhh...we quit, this is WAY above our comfort zone, were going home..." The turned off the radio and crushed it beneath their feet before their former employer could get a word in edgewise.

...?...

The director sighed, "There's no choice then...Call Northwest, tell him everything, were going to plan B."

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	20. Chapter 20

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Northwest listen to the agent over the phone, "Really? Well that's annoying, fine I'll clean up YOUR mess..but I expect double our yearly 'hush money' stipend."

He puts down the phone and rubs his head, "First that brat vanishes, then I have to lower myself to mingle with the commoners, now this? I have more important things to do then deal with this nonsense!"

He flips through his roledex, "Let's see...accountants...aquifers...ah! Assassins! ...Oh! Under thirty minute delivery or the assassination is free! Excellent!" He quickly makes the call-

...

And so this 'sister of the woodpecker' tells how the Gravitatus Fallius Tribe once inhabitated this valley...and how one of their number- a wicked shaman -made a covenant with 'The Beast with One Eye'...he tried to create a mystic portal of wood, blood and amber dragon teeth that would allow this devil to invade this plane of existence. However, during the acrtivation process he accidentally brough a powerful red headed white woman from a distant land through it by mistake. The woman not only defeated the shaman but forced him to destroy the portal in such a way it bound 'The Beast' to a mystic wheel that once complete could defeat him permanently.

The woman became a great leader of the natives- white man, native, and magic creature alike came together to form the village what would one day become Gravity Falls.

But one Day trouble brewed, Quentin Tembly came to their land ridding a horse backward off a cliff-

"I'm sorry, what?" Asked Dipper confused.

"Trust me, don't question it, just roll with it." Said the spirit woman

He warned how the leaders of the white man were coming to steal our land and slaughter us all if they had to. Quentin concocted an elaborate plan to seal the natives and many voluntary white men/women in peanut brittle and fake their deaths. The magical creatures would retreat to the forest and hide their existence. And Trembly and a select group of white's would stay behind, pretend to be the 'true' founders of Gravity falls, fight a losing battle to keep the valley from the governments hand and leave a false trail to further confuse those would try to kill us.

After being defeated, Trembly's existence was covered up and a wicked man pretending to be an incompetent dung shovler tricked the government to let him have all the fame and glory...Nathaniel Northwest...

...oh, and they also learned the origins of woodpecker marriages: In ancient times, woodpeckers were powerful spirits that wedded humans...Trembly's...'attempt' to keep the practice alive was an echo of those long forgotten times...

Dipper and Wendy were stunned by this, but were honored to accept this task to revive the natives and restore them to their proper home...

The spirit takes them FAR from town...and leads them to a den of PLAIDYPUS. "Keeping this as a pet." Said Wendy flatly as she picks one up to cuddle.

The spirit smiles, "you remind me of her-

"Wha?" "Never mind, BEHOLD!"

Suddenly the den opened up to reveal an underground catacomb...filled with HUNDREDS of people stuck in-

"Seriously? This is Peanut Brittle?" Asked a skeptical Dipper. The spirit shrugged, "I was surprised as you were that it worked."

"How DOSE that work?" Asked Dipper baffled.

"Actually, it's a very interesting story. You see-

"MOM!?"

Dipepr turned around..and was stunned...in the center of the room, given a place of highest honor...was a woman who could be mistaken as an older, naked Wendy.

Wendy sobbed, "Wha-What is this?"

"That...is our great leader." Said the spirit with reverance-

"I'm sorry...WHAT?!" Screamed Dipper.

 **BOOM!**

Everyone turned around to see a giant suite of armor of man. Without a word...the infamous assassin 'The Collector' charged!

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	21. Chapter 21

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

The Collector had a huge and hulking figure. He towers over all. His massive figure was also covered in rusted brown metal armor. Every inch of his body is covered. His matching metal mask has 8 holes in it for sight and breathing.

This was one of the few things Dipper was able to comprehend before it tried to pummel them, the spirit woman tried to help them but the collector simply shot an enchanted bola from his gauntlet and immobilized her. "Quickly, save my people!" She shouts as she squirms helplessly, among other things...

Wendy tried to use an uppercut to knock it on it's but, but a weird gadget embedded in his armor just righted him again. Dipper using the journal quickly communicates to the Plaidypus to go break everyone free of the Peanut Brittle.

He then finds a spell that could work...the Collectors armor maybe strong, but it was still metal...

The collector had pulled a large axe from his gauntlet and was now swinging it at an increasingly desperate Wendy, "Wendy! No matter what, your awesome and I love you! SAVE YOUR MOM!" Shouted Dipper as he jumps forward, frantically drawing a ruin circle on the ground around the Collector.

Wendy looked at him as he began to utter an incantation- AND SET HIMSELF AND THE COLLECTOR ON FIRE!

"DIPPER NO!" Screamed Wendy. Mary Corduroy, her 'coffin' half gnawed away by the Plaidypus...opened her eye's...her daughters tears rousing her... "W-Wendy?"

Wendy sobbed...the boy- NO, the MAN she loved was dying!

"Calm yourself sweetie, help is on the way!" shouted the still immobile spirit lady.

"My dear, I'm glad you awoke me, but WHY did you have to send Sandy- Don't squawk at me! You know what you did!"

Wendy looked up and saw an 18th century man, with no pants being lifted down by a swarm of woodpeckers, they all went into the flames, grabbed an only partially charred Dipper out, this broke the spell, but before it died, the woodpeckers pounded the collectors armor so hard it cracked in several places, causing the fire to seep in and burn him. He screamed in agony and ran for it in pain.

Wendy happily hugged a still slightly burnt Dipper... then made it very clear that if he ever did that again she'd make death by fire look pleasant!

"Hey, love birds! This ain't over yet!" Both kids looked up and saw the cave surrounded by hundreds of low-quality thugs for hire.

"We stayed clear out of fear of the collector, but with him gone we'll just take our due! Come on boy's, let's char-

The guy suddenly found himself punched ion the gut so hard he ejected his stomach from his mouth.

Dipper and Wendy were treated to the crazy sight of Wendy's naked mother glaring at the rest of the would-be assassins as the first guy fell to the floor dead.

"Do you mind? I have a daughter to reconnect to..."

The thugs just charged, Mary Corduroy sighed...and the kids were given the show of watching Wendy's mom beat down a hundred thugs like a hot knife through butter...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	22. Chapter 22

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

After the last crook had been pummeled, it was tearful, blood-covered Mary Corduroy who hugged her equally tearful Daughter. Dipper watched with a smile, as did the rest of the natives as they were slowly reanimated.

"It is done." Said the spirit...her purpose complete...faded into the ether...

After an eternity of cuddling and reuniting, it's made clear what happened. While trying to summon 'the beast with one eye'. The shaman accidentally summoned her from the future instead. Not liking the sound of the demon, she beat up and forced the shaman to destroy the portal and create a 'Cipher' to help future generations(like Wendy) to fight the demon should it ever return.

She'd been saddened to never see her family again, but the natives(both human and creature) were so nice...especially when she proved her dominance and leadership over them!

"But never mind that! Tell me how you've been! How's your life. Introduce me to your boyfriend!" She looks to Dipper

Wendy blushed, "Whoa, Mom he's not-

"Relax, dear I don't judge a man by the size of his dick. But his actions, and he was willing to sacrifice his life for you-

Dipper smiled, "Why thank you Mrs- His eye's went wide -Wait, what did you say about my- To his horror, he realizes his pants were destroyed in the fire! Exposing him to everyone!

"GAH!" He screamed! as he covered himself. Wendy couldn't help but smirk at that, "Two hands are kinda overkill, isn't it? Just a thimble will do", she playfully teases.

Mary just laughed "Oh, relax Dipper! You'll be seeing a lot of Wendy too! The naturalist lifestyle of the natives is too good to NOT share!"

Wendy smirks, "Yeah I- Wait, what?!" Shouts Wendy mortified.

...later...

Preston Northwest tapped his foot impatiently as he looked at the clock, "Where are those bounty hunters? Don't they know I'm a busy man!?"

Suddnely an aide appeared, "Sir! A bunch of weirdos are coming into town, claiming their the long lost natives of gravity Falls and that your Ancestor was a fraud!"

Preston rolled his eye's, "Bah! I don't have time for this nonsense!" He walks outside and goes to the microphone, "Right I don't know what insane asylum you yahoo's came out of, but I'm here to say-

"Careful Preston, you don't want your teeth to fall out like last time. Now do you?" Said a familiar voice that made Preston's insides freeze up.

He gaped in horror at the familiar, naked adult redhead. "Oh, no! It's you! I knew spontaneous combustion wouldn't be enough to kill you!" He runs away screaming, confessing that pioneer day and his ancestor was a sham and running all the way home...

Wendy blinked, "What? What just-

"There was an incident at Northwest manor when we were both 10. It involved lions, glue, duct-tape, and a LOT of lightning..." Said Mary happily, now enough of that! Where my Manly Dan! I got a several century itch to scratch! And you should have yours scratched too!"

 **RIP!**

Wendy's eye's widen in horror as her mom rips off her clothes with little effort and leads the entire town in a monster of a party...

Dipper, just hands her his hat to cover her, they help Stan out of the stockade...and the two naked adolescents decide to call it a day and head home(Specifically the shack, no WAY was Wendy returning home until her mom was less Randy...)...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	23. Chapter 23

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Wendy was currently living at the Shack. Her parents needed to get... 'reacquainted'; Wendy didn't want to be anywhere near that, Dipper wanted her close by, Stan got a lot of cash dumped on him...everyone was happy

Or at least Wendy WAS happy with this...until she saw her mom's 'scheme'. Her brothers- instead of the shack -were sent to her cousins place, then when Wendy went to get clothes...her mom had sold all for them! The whole family was going naturalist!(dozens of people were clawing their eye's out at the sight of Manly Dan in the Buff walking through town...his 'excitement' for his wives return plain to see by all) Then her mom delivered some 'Vienna sausage' sized condoms to Dipper!

Wendy, was naturally mortified. Unfortunately, she dared not go berate her mom- lest she 'interrupt' her parents -so she was forced to just stay where she was...naked.

Stan still had no other clothes her size except the maid outfit(and after last time, hell would freeze over before she got back in that) and a poncho. So Wendy was forced to hold down her poncho non-stop lest she have a 'Marilyn Monroe' incident...

And things weren't helped by-

"Tambry!? what are you doing here!? Strike that, what are you wearing?"

Tambry- Wearing Stan's maid outfit smirks, "I decided to start working here, earn some extra cash, maybe have an adventure or two. As for why I'm wearing this...by agreeing to wear this while I work, I got Stan to pay me extra!"

Wendy glared, "Cut the frak Tambry, your trying to seduce Dipper!"

Tambry shrugged, "So what if I am? Just because you haven't staked your claim yet dosen't mean no one else can-

"Tambry, this is wrong! Dipper's a kid! We can't- "We talking about the same "kid" who daily risks life and limb to make you happy? Who's faced monsters twice his size and WON? Who helped get your MOM back? Wendy, if ever there was a "kid" who deserved to be made an exception. It's him. Besides, I looked it up. He'll be 13 in a month or so and the age of consent in Oregon is 14. That's close enough, really." Interrupted Tambry smugly

"Tambry, you can't just- wait, seriously? 14?" Asked Wendy interested. Tambry smirks but nods. For a moment, Wendy looks contemplative...then blushes and shakes her head. "No, I can't! It wouldn't be right!"

"Hey your loss, my gain." Pointed out Tambry happily. Wendy glared, "I WON'T let you do this Tambry. Dipper has no idea how to handle girls, I won't let you take advantage of him!"

Tambry glared back, "Make me."

Wendy laughed, "Uh, Tambry? You know I can bench-press you right?" She cracked her knuckles with anticipation.

Tambry nods as she walks up to her, "True, in a fair fight you'd beat me hands down-

 **RIP!**

"Which is why I won't fight fair at all!" Laughs Tambry as she rips of Wendy's poncho and run, leaving her naked. "TAMBRY! GET BACK HERE!" Snaps Wendy as she furiously runs out the door after her-

 **slam!**

 **Click!**

Only to hear the door slam and lock behind her, Wendy pales as she sees that Tambry had simply made it LOOK like she'd gone outside...instead she was inside, all the entrances locked, cheekily waving at her-

"TAMBRY!" Screamed a naked Wendy as she pounded the door as Tambry cockily walked away...

...

A naked Dipper looked down embarrassed as the Vienna sausage sized condom...slipped right off his...'part'...this was SO embarrassing...the mother of the girl he loved bought him the smallest condoms in the world...and his teeny weeny was too small for it to fit!

...not...that he'd been planning to use it...he'd just been curious...never actually seen a condom before...

He looked at the mirror, looked at his naked body. "My junk is small...but Wendy said she liked that...sooooo...is that a good thing? GAH! I'm so confused!"

"Well how about I make things simple then?" Dipper let out a startled squeal like a girl as he hastily covered himself as he turned around to see a smirking Tambry...walking in like a predator cornering her prey...closing and locking the door behind her...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	24. Chapter 24

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Dipper gulped as he concealed himself from Tambry...that piercing, hungry look...now he understood what it meant to be 'Naked among wolves'.

Tambry laughed, "What you doing man? I've seen your dick before, we both know two hands are overkills...frack, a pinky toe is overkill." She teases.

Dipper, his face now very red, gulps as she comes closer...

...

Wendy grumbles, to dodge being seen by all the tourists she had do to dive into a briar patch, then a certain maid outfit was thrown out DIPPER'S window. Wendy barely blinks at this for a second, before her rage kicks in and jumpstarts her to hastily climb up the side of the Shack.

She looks inside the window...just in time for her heart to shatter at the sight of Tambry plowing into Dipper. Wendy is so devastated, she doesn't notice when the rain gutter buckles under her weight-

 **CRASH!**

-And she falls right into the briar patch, AGAIN.

Too furious to care about anything else she runs toward the nearest car- punching everyone in her way -hot wires it and guns it over the ramp Soos made for testing the golf cart-

 **BOOM!**

Crashing it right into Dipper's room! Wendy jumps off, coldcocks Tambry and hugs a flustered Dipper to her chest.

 **"FRACK YOU TAMBRY! DIPPER BELONGS TO ME! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM BUT ME! HE'S MY PROPERTY!"** Screams Wendy angrily...then goes very red when she realized what she just screamed...

A black eye'd Tambry smiled, "About time you confessed girl! You need to be more honest with yourself!"

...many minutes ago...

"Relax Dipper...I'm not looking for anything serious." "Your not?" Squeaked out Dipper in surprise. "Nah, I just want to have some fun and...'thank you' for saving me from those ghosts awhile back. Now Wendy on the other hand...she'd DEFINITELY be interested in something more long-term."

Dipper eye's widen, "REALLY?"

Tambry nodded, "Yep, she might be acting like a bit of a prude now...but give it time...she'll give so many unforgettable nights you won't even be able to see straight!"

To her surprise, this seems to make Dipper even more nervous...then she saw his nervous glances to his still covered donk...then smirks.

"Worried you won't be able to SATISFY her, sailor?" She teases.

Dipper whimpers...but reluctantly nods. Tambry gets right up in his face, "Y'know...I still want to 'thank you'...how about a 'practice round'? Get all your 'first time jitters' all misfired away before you go to the 'big leagues'?"

Before dipper can even respond, Tambry is making out with him and throwing him onto the bed...

...

-And Let me tell you something Big Red, where this kid lacks in girth and technique...he makes up in pure, bloody, STAMINA!" Wendy becomes even reder then her hair...

She thinks on it...perhaps it was time she was honest with herself...but still...

"I...but what I just said...it's messed up! I want him to be my PROPERTY? That's horrible!"

"Uh...actually...I'm cool with that." Admited Dipper awkwardly.

Wendy looks at him in disbelief, "Seriously?" Dipper gulps, "Yeah, I trust you..."

Wendy didn't know what to say...

...later that day...

"Okay, so were in agreement...we go on a couple dates...and if we like were were going...we go all the way...sound good?" Asked Wendy.

Dipper nodded as he walked with her, "Uh...yeah, sounds great...explain to me again why it was necessary to permanently tatoo 'Property of Wendy Corduroy' across my but cheeks and 'touch his dick and I'll snap you bitches in half' across my scrotum? that REALLY hurt!"

Wendy groaned, "Why did I get drunk with Tambry again ?That never ends well! I promise Dipper, for you I'll go sober. For now do whatever you want at Stan's lame faireground, my treat!" Exclaimed Wendy as she end Dipper entered the carnival at the front of the Shack...

...Meanwhile...

Slenderman glared at the little piglet, **"You going down pig! But not just yet...I got something SPECIAL in mind for you today..."** He chuckles...

"Uh, sir? If your not going to guess the pigs weight I'm going to have to ask you to leave and let the next person in line have a turn." Instructed Sprott flatly...he then immediately had his neck snapped in two...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	25. Chapter 25

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Dipper was having a great time. Robbie was still in jail, he was on a date with Wendy, his scrotum was no longer infected and ozzing. He was having a great time!

Nearby, Mable happily hugged a her new pig. "I love you waddles."

"I love you too Mable, I love you with all my heart." Mable looked at the pig stunned the squealed. "You can talk too!? YES!"

"Do you regret winning me, Mable?" "How could I regret wining a cutie like you?" "Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?"

"What's that?" Asked Mable curiously. Waddles responds by smacking her so hard in the face, some her teeth are knocked out.

"What was that for?" Asked Mable confused and more then a bit hurt.

"Sometimes...Love hurts." Waddles lifts up an aluminum bat. "And I love you a LOT." He then hits her so hard she flies through the air and crashes into the ferris wheel. Causing it to fall over.

Everyone crawls through the wreckage and angrily surrounds Mable. "SHE CRUSHED ME AUNTIE!" "MY LEG! MY BEAUTIFUL LEG!" "SHE'S FLEW THROUGH THE AIR!" "SHE'S A WITCH!" "BURN HER!" "COMPARE HER WEIGHT WITH A DUCK, THEN BURN HER!"

Mable screamed as she was thrown onto a barbecue and forcibly raked across the coals! Her skin bubbled, her hair went up in flames, her nipples were scorched off completely.

"NO! IT WAS THE PIG! THE PIG!" She pleaded between sobs. "Now she's blaming a cute pig!?" "THE NERVE!" "RIP OUT HER TONGUE AND MAKE HER EAT IT!"

Suddenly the barbecue exploded, sending a crying Mable flying through the air-

 **CRASH!**

"Mable, what the heck!? You just murdered Wendy!"

Mable looks down and to her horror see's that she had indeed crushed the red head to death. "What!? NO! Dipper! It was the Pig! The Pig!" Shouted Mable as an enraged Dipper beat her up.

"Like I'd believe that! I don't know what sugar packet you ate but I don't care! You murdered the woman I loved!"

Slenderman watches the pummeling while whistling Mal's tune. **"Heh, heh. Not so great when your family won't believe a word you say, is it Mable?"** He chuckles as he lifts up the 'essence of Cassandarian truth' he'd spritzed on Mable earlier. **"Really, you should thank me for letting you take a mile in Dipper shoes. A new perspective on things can only enrich a person after all."**

He stays to watch the fun...

Mable was in pain..she was crying...she watches as a blury Dipper sobs over Wendy's corpse...then he walks over to a bald and white blur...they talk for a bit, Dipper knocks him down, steals a measuring tape from the blur and fiddles with it-

 **ZAP!**

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?"

Mable, once again holding waddles, just say's. "Wha?" Waddles smacks her away again, and everything more or less repeats...Except Dipper tries to move wendy to the opposite side of the fair...

Slenderman coughs, changing Mable's trajectory so Wendy is crushed again...and an enraged Dipper beats her up again...

Mable was in pain..she was crying...she watches as a blury Dipper sobs over Wendy's corpse...then he walks over to a bald and white blur...they talk for a bit, Dipper knocks him down, steals a measuring tape from the blur and fiddles with it-

 **ZAP!**

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?" This time Mable is able to doge and grab the aluminum bat...or tires to, her hands are sweaty. It slips from her hands, goes flying-

 **CRACK!**

-And hit's Wendy in the neck so hard it snaps, killing her instantly. "MABLE!" Screamed an enraged Dipper as he marches over to her enraged. "Oh, come on!" Screams Mable as she's brutally beaten by Dipper yet again...

Mable was in pain..she was crying...she watches as a blury Dipper sobs over Wendy's corpse...then he walks over to a bald and white blur...they talk for a bit, Dipper knocks him down, steals a measuring tape from the blur and fiddles with it-

 **ZAP!**

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?"

"Okay, REALLY not liking where this is going." Says Mable outloud right before Waddles whacks her again...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	26. Chapter 26

**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?" Mable tries to flee by car...only to run over Wendy.

Dipper beat down, Steal time-tape, and Repeat...

...

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?" Mable tries to throw Waddles into a nearby meat grinder...which causes it to fall over and grind a nearby Wendy's innards into sausage...

Dipper beat down, Steal time-tape, and Repeat...

...

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?" Mable says nothing as she simply dives into a nearby pond hoping to drown the wretched creature-

 **ROAR!**

-unfortunately, turns out to be a Gobelwonker nesting ground. By jumping in, she'd inadvertently smashed all the eggs. Setting off the mothers protective instincts...and the less said about what it Did to Wendy the better...

Dipper beat down, Steal time-tape, and Repeat...

...

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?" Mable grabs Blubs revolver and tries to end her life-

 **BANG!**

Sadly, she turns out to be a terrible shot and it hits Wendy in the temple instead...

Dipper beat down, Steal time-tape, and Repeat...

...

 **...500 repeats later...**

...

"Mable...have you ever-

"GAH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Sobbed Mable as she gets on her hands and knees before the clearly demonic pig. "Look, beat me, torture me, kill me...just get it over with! But just...spare Wendy, okay?" She pleads.

Waddles tilts his head, "Congratulations Mable...you now got your priorities straight...I bid you adieu." And with that, Waddles trots off...

Mable's eye's widen in disbelief, "He's gone? I'm free? YIPPE!"

"MABLE!"

Mable's eye's widen in horror, Dipper had a shotgun pointed at her! "Mable, I don't know why you keep murdering Wendy over and over, but it ends now! Your clearly a monster and for the good of everyone you need to be put down!"

Mable was so hurt by his words that she didn't react at all when her head was blown apart-

...

"Mable...have you ever heard of...Tough love?" Mable's eye's widen. "Wha- Waddles beat down, Wendy's death, Dipper beat down, Steal time-tape, and Repeat...

...

Mable had just made peace with waddles- "MABLE!"

This time Mable knocks the gun from Dipper hands-

 **BANG!**

-which then goes off as it hits the ground and kills Wendy.

A resigned Mable sighed as she handed a enraged Dipper an aluminum bat to beat her mercilessly with...

 **...647 Mable makes peace with waddles, still kills Wendy, Dipper beat down, Steal time-tape Repeats later...**

"MABLE!"

"I'LL LEAVE GRAVITY FALLS!" Screams Mable finally as she gets in a begging position. Dipper gives her a weird look, "Say what?" "Look...I'll just...I'll leave Gravity Falls, leave you and NEVER come back...I can't do this anymore! PLEASE! Just let me go!"

Dipper frowns and looks like he's about to say no-

 **"Sounds like a fair deal to me."** The thought that suddenly pops into Dippers head makes all other aspects of his mind go blank. "Sounds like a fair deal to me." Repeats Dipper in a monotone voice.

Mable thanks him and runs for her life...she dosen't stop running until she makes it to the border...she would be later found joining a marachi band in Cuba...or so the legend goes...

"Dipper? Why do you have that gun? What's happening?" Dipper smiles, hearing Wendy's voice. He doesn't know why...but he has a feeling things will be okay now. So he goes to win her a crazy stuffed pet..they enjoy the fair...they make love that very night...

"Life is good..." Thinks Dipper to himself...

...Meanwhile...

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Shouts a naked Pacifica as she's chased by a horde of raptors...

...

 **Where one story ends, another begins!**

 **This story maybe over but tune in soon for a NEW story: Tyrone, King of Jungle. Pacifica, Queen of Nudity!**

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


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